Butterfly Abaya Style: How Modesty Can Feel Tender Instead of Heavy

Butterfly abaya style has a way of touching the heart before the mirror has finished speaking. The wide flowing shape, the soft movement, and the gentle way fabric falls around the body can make modest dressing feel less like a burden and more like a mercy. For some sisters, that feeling is exactly what they have been searching for. They do not only want to be covered. They want to feel held, settled and quietly beautiful without feeling watched.

There are many reasons a sister may be drawn to this style. She may be a revert slowly building her first modest wardrobe. She may be returning to abayas after years of dressing differently. She may be a mother who wants an outfit that feels graceful but still lets her move. She may want something for Eid, a family gathering, a nikah, a dinner, a masjid event or a day when she simply wants softness. A butterfly abaya can speak to all of those feelings because the shape itself is generous.

This guide is not about telling every woman that she needs one exact style. Modesty is not a costume, and no single abaya shape suits every body, every routine or every stage of faith. This is a careful, heartfelt guide to understanding when a butterfly inspired abaya can help, how to choose it wisely, how to style it without feeling too dramatic, and how to make sure the fabric, sleeve, colour and length support real life.

At Amani's, we know that an abaya can carry emotion. It may be worn on Eid morning while the house is busy and full of voices. It may be worn to the masjid when a sister still feels nervous walking in. It may be folded carefully by a revert who is trying to feel at home in the ummah. It may be chosen by a woman who wants coverage but still wants tenderness. This is why butterfly and farasha inspired styles matter. They remind us that modesty can be soft.

Why this flowing abaya style feels so different

The butterfly abaya feels different because it creates space. Space around the arms. Space around the waist. Space around the hips. Space around the heart. A sister may not always have words for why that matters, but she feels it when she moves. A garment that does not cling can make public life feel calmer. A shape that falls away from the body can reduce the need to check every outline. A sleeve that moves softly can make the whole outfit feel more graceful.

For many women, modest clothing becomes emotionally heavy when it feels restrictive, stiff or constantly in need of adjustment. A narrow sleeve may feel tidy but difficult. A fitted layer may look polished but make prayer uncomfortable. A fabric that pulls across the body may make a sister think about herself all day. A wider abaya cut can relieve some of that pressure by allowing the body to move without being examined by the garment.

This is especially meaningful for sisters who are learning modesty with tenderness. A revert may already feel visible because her clothing has changed. A born Muslim sister returning to abayas may worry that family or friends will comment. A young woman may love elegance but fear looking too dressed up. The butterfly shape can give her a sense of beauty while still protecting her from the sharper feeling of being displayed.

There is also a visual softness to the style. The garment often moves in a wing like way, especially when the arms lift or the sister walks. This movement can feel feminine without being tight. It can feel dressed up without needing sparkle. The silhouette itself becomes the detail. That is why a simple brown, taupe, sage, black or lilac abaya can feel special in this cut even when the design is not heavily decorated.

But the style works best when the flow is intentional. Extra fabric alone does not create elegance. A good butterfly abaya needs fabric that falls well, sleeves that suit the purpose, a length that can be managed, and a neckline or inner layer that supports modest coverage. When those parts work together, the result can feel peaceful. When they do not, the style can feel overwhelming.

Modesty should not feel like punishment

One of the most important things to remember is that modesty should not feel like punishment. It may require discipline, patience and sacrifice, but it should not make a sister feel crushed. Sometimes women carry a quiet fear that if modest clothing feels beautiful, soft or enjoyable, then they are doing something wrong. That fear can make dressing harder than it needs to be.

Beauty and sincerity can exist together. A sister can choose a flowing abaya because it helps her feel dignified. She can choose a gentle colour because it calms her heart. She can enjoy soft fabric without dressing for attention. She can want her clothing to feel feminine while still guarding her intention. The problem is not beauty itself. The challenge is keeping beauty in its proper place, so it supports modesty instead of becoming the whole aim.

A butterfly abaya can help a sister experience this balance. The coverage is generous. The shape is loose. The movement is graceful. Instead of feeling like she has to choose between being covered and feeling soft, she can have both. That is powerful for women who have only seen modesty presented as heaviness, plainness or shame.

For sisters who are new to abayas, this matters deeply. The first garments in a modest wardrobe often shape how a woman feels about the journey. If her first abaya is uncomfortable, stiff, transparent or hard to style, she may begin to think modest dressing will always feel difficult. If her first abaya gives her ease, she may feel encouraged to continue. A soft flowing piece can become a gentle beginning.

This does not mean every butterfly abaya is the right first abaya. Some are too dramatic for a nervous beginner. Some are too long or wide for daily errands. Some are better for Eid than for work. The tenderness comes when the style matches the sister's real life. A beginner may choose a calmer colour, simpler fabric and modest but manageable flow. Confidence can grow from there.

When choosing, ask yourself whether the abaya helps you feel closer to the woman you want to become, or whether it adds pressure. If it gives ease, dignity and sincerity, it is serving you. If it makes you feel like you are performing, choose a softer version. Modesty should help the heart, not make it panic.

Loose, oversized and beautifully flowing are not the same

A common fear with butterfly abaya style is looking swallowed by fabric. This is understandable. A wide abaya can be beautiful, but if the fabric, cut or length is wrong, it may feel too much. The difference between loose, oversized and beautifully flowing is important.

Loose means the garment gives space. Oversized means it may be too large in places that do not serve the design. Beautifully flowing means the garment has been cut with intention, so the width creates movement rather than mess. A good butterfly abaya should not simply hang like excess fabric. It should fall in a way that feels graceful from the shoulders, sleeves and sides.

Look first at the top of the abaya. If the shoulder area sits badly, the whole garment may feel wrong. Some butterfly cuts have a relaxed shoulder. Some are cut more like a farasha shape where the sleeve and body flow together. The fabric should not pull awkwardly across the upper body or collapse into heavy folds around the neck. The top should feel soft and balanced.

The sleeves are the next test. Wide sleeves are part of the beauty, but they need to suit the purpose. For an occasion, a dramatic sleeve may feel special. For daily errands, wudu, work or caring for children, a sleeve that is too wide can become frustrating. Some sisters solve this by wearing inner sleeves. Others prefer a butterfly inspired shape with more controlled cuffs. There is no shame in choosing practicality.

Length is also important. A flowing abaya that drags can quickly become heavy. If you are petite, too much length and width together may overwhelm you. If you are tall, a short flowing abaya may lose the elegant line you wanted. Always compare the length to an abaya you already own if possible. Model photos can inspire, but measurements protect you.

Fabric decides whether flow looks refined or careless. A stiff fabric may create too much volume. A thin fabric may collapse or cling. A good fabric has enough body to fall away from the shape, but enough softness to move. That balance is what creates the gentle butterfly feeling.

Choosing fabric that makes flow feel soft

Fabric is the soul of a flowing abaya. The cut may be beautiful, but if the fabric does not behave, the sister will feel it. A butterfly abaya uses more visible fabric than a narrow cut, so every quality of the material becomes more noticeable. Shine, weight, opacity, texture and drape all matter.

Satin can make a butterfly or farasha style feel elegant because it catches light and shows movement. It is often lovely for Eid, family gatherings, wedding events and special dinners. A satin farasha abaya can look complete with very little styling. The shape and fabric do the work. However, satin can also feel dressy. If you are shy, choose muted shades or textured finishes rather than very bright shine.

Chiffon can feel airy and delicate. It works beautifully as an outer layer or with a proper lining. It gives movement without heaviness, which suits a soft occasion look. The main concern is coverage. Chiffon usually needs an inner layer, and the inner layer must be modest enough on its own. If the abaya opens or moves, you should still feel secure.

Neda, crepe and matte blends can make butterfly style more wearable for daily life. They may not look as shiny as satin, but they can feel calmer. A matte flowing abaya can be perfect for a sister who wants room and grace without feeling like she is dressed for a formal event. It is often easier to repeat, easier to style with everyday hijabs and less intimidating in public.

Texture can make a simple colour feel more expensive. A subtle textured finish gives depth without demanding attention. It can make taupe, brown, black, sage or dark green feel refined. This is quiet luxury in modest fashion: not loud branding, not excessive sparkle, but fabric that feels thoughtful.

Weight must match the season and purpose. A heavier flowing abaya may feel secure in cooler weather or for an occasion. A lighter one may feel easier in summer, but it should not be transparent or clingy. Do not choose the lightest fabric automatically. Choose the fabric that gives coverage, comfort and peace.

How colour changes the mood of the whole abaya

Colour has more impact in a butterfly abaya because there is more fabric to see. A shade that feels quiet in a narrow dress may feel stronger in a wide flowing shape. That does not mean you should avoid colour. It means you should choose colour with awareness.

Black is classic and grounding. In a butterfly cut, it can feel dramatic, elegant and safe at the same time. It is often easy to wear because most sisters already own black or neutral hijabs. The risk is that black may feel too formal or heavy for some women, especially in warm weather or softer personal styles. If black feels too strong, consider dark taupe, deep brown, navy or bottle green.

Soft shades bring tenderness. Lilac, sage, dusty rose, beige, almond and cream can make the flowing shape feel gentle and feminine. These colours are beautiful for Eid, nikah events, family visits and softer occasions. But pale colours need care. Check whether the fabric is opaque. Think about makeup transfer, stains, rain, children and travel. A tender shade should not become a constant worry.

Rich tones bring quiet confidence. Bottle green, teal, burgundy, plum, wine and chocolate can make a butterfly abaya feel mature and graceful. These colours often work well for sisters who want something more expressive than black but still modest and grounded. They can look beautiful with neutral hijabs and simple accessories.

Tonal styling helps reduce drama. If you wear a taupe farasha abaya with a beige or mocha hijab, the look feels calm. If you wear brown with cream, sage with stone, black with charcoal or lilac with soft grey, the outfit feels connected. When colours sit close together, the flowing shape becomes elegant rather than overwhelming.

High contrast styling can be striking. A pale abaya with a black hijab or a black abaya with a bright white scarf can look beautiful, but it draws more attention to the frame. If you are shy, begin with softer contrast. You can always experiment later as confidence grows.

Ask yourself how the colour feels in your actual life. Will you wear it outside? Does it match your hijabs? Will you still love it after the event? Does it make you feel calm or watched? The best colour is not always the trendiest shade. It is the one your heart can carry with ease.

When this style is perfect for Eid and occasions

Butterfly and farasha inspired abayas shine on occasions because they create beauty through movement. For Eid, weddings, nikah gatherings, aqiqahs, family dinners and special visits, the flowing shape can make a sister feel dressed with care while still feeling covered. This is one of the reasons the style is loved: it offers celebration without needing tightness.

For Eid, the style feels joyful. The fabric moves when you walk. The silhouette feels special in family photos. A soft shade can feel tender, while a rich shade can feel festive. Because the shape already has presence, you do not need heavy accessories. A neat hijab, comfortable shoes and a simple bag may be enough.

For weddings, a flowing abaya can be elegant without compromising modesty. Satin, chiffon, pleats, embroidery, soft appliques or coordinated sets can work beautifully. But comfort still matters. Wedding days can be long. You may sit, eat, greet family, pray and travel. If the abaya is too heavy, too long or too delicate, the beauty may become tiring. Choose a piece that lets you enjoy the event with dignity.

For family gatherings, the butterfly shape can feel softer than highly structured occasion wear. It allows you to sit comfortably, help in the kitchen if needed, hold children and still look put together. If your family comments on clothing often, choose a calmer colour and simple styling. Let the abaya feel graceful rather than overly dramatic.

For masjid events or Islamic classes, choose a version that feels more covered than glamorous. A matte fabric, deeper colour and larger hijab can make the style feel appropriate and peaceful. If the gathering includes prayer, test the outfit first. Make sure the sleeves, inner layer and chest coverage feel secure.

Occasion modesty should not force a sister to choose between beauty and comfort. A well chosen butterfly abaya gives both. It lets her attend the moment fully instead of spending the day fixing her clothes.

Can a flowing abaya work for everyday life?

Yes, a flowing abaya can work for everyday life, but the design must be chosen for everyday life. Some pieces are clearly made for occasions. Others are simple enough for errands, work, family visits and regular wear. The mistake is expecting one dramatic occasion abaya to behave like a daily uniform.

An everyday flowing abaya should usually be calmer. The fabric should be easier to wash or refresh. The sleeves should be manageable. The length should not drag. The colour should match your wardrobe. The cut should give room without making every task harder. If you are constantly lifting the hem, controlling the sleeves or checking the front, it may not be the right daily piece.

For errands, mid-tone and deeper colours are often easier. Brown, taupe, navy, black, olive and dark green can handle more real life than very pale shades. They also match many hijabs and shoes. If you want softness, choose muted rather than bright. You can still look feminine without feeling fragile.

For work, a controlled farasha shape can be modest and polished. Avoid very wide sleeves if you type, write, cook or serve customers. Choose a neat hijab and simple shoes. Keep accessories minimal. The flowing abaya should support professionalism, not distract from it.

For school runs, shopping and family days, pockets and fabric matter. Some wide abayas do not have pockets because of the cut, so think about your bag. A tote may work better than a crossbody strap that pulls the fabric. A practical outfit is not only about the garment. It is about the whole system around it.

For prayer, everyday flow can be helpful because it gives room. But check sleeve openings and inner layers. If the abaya is open, make sure the base outfit is modest. If the sleeves are wide, make sure your arms remain covered in movement. Test before leaving the house.

The best everyday butterfly inspired abaya feels like softness you can live in. It brings grace to ordinary days without turning every outing into an occasion.

How to style it without feeling too dramatic

If you love the idea of a butterfly abaya but worry it will feel too dramatic, styling can soften the whole look. The shape already has movement, so the rest of the outfit can stay calm. You do not need bold jewellery, high contrast colours, loud shoes and a statement bag all at once. Let the abaya breathe.

Start with the hijab. A plain hijab is usually easiest. Jersey makes the look more secure and grounded. Chiffon makes it more polished. A tonal scarf reduces the feeling of drama. For example, a taupe abaya with a beige hijab, a brown abaya with mocha, a sage abaya with stone or a black abaya with charcoal can feel gentle and expensive without being loud.

Choose shoes according to the setting. For an occasion, elegant flats, low heels or simple sandals can work. For everyday wear, clean trainers or soft flats can make the abaya feel relaxed. The shoe changes the mood more than many sisters realise. A flowing abaya does not always have to feel formal.

Think carefully about bags. A clutch or small handbag works for occasions. A soft tote works for everyday life. A crossbody bag may pull the fabric across the body and interrupt the flow, so test it first. If you need hands free practicality, choose a strap and placement that do not make the abaya sit awkwardly.

If the abaya includes a belt, remember that you are not forced to wear it tightly. You can leave it off, tie it loosely, tie it behind the back or use it only for certain occasions. If your aim is softer coverage, do not turn the waist into the focus unless you genuinely feel comfortable with that.

Keep accessories small. A flowing abaya already has presence. One simple ring, a neat bag or a delicate shoe detail may be enough. If the abaya has shine, pleats or embellishment, reduce accessories even more. Quiet styling often looks more premium than trying to make every part of the outfit special.

Most of all, style it in a way that feels like you. If you feel like you are wearing a costume, simplify. If you feel too plain, add one soft detail. The right balance should make you breathe easier.

Choosing it for your height and body shape

Butterfly abayas can suit many body shapes, but the right version matters. Your body is not the problem if one style does not work. It may simply be the wrong length, fabric, sleeve or amount of volume. Clothing should serve the woman, not shame her.

If you are petite, choose controlled flow. Soft fabrics, practical lengths and calmer sleeves will usually feel easier than very stiff, wide designs. Too much volume in a heavy fabric may overwhelm a smaller frame. Tonal styling can also help create a smoother line, especially if you wear similar shades from hijab to abaya.

If you are tall, pay close attention to length. A flowing abaya that is too short can lose the elegant feeling and may make you feel less covered than you expected. Check measurements, not only size labels. A tall sister can carry the butterfly silhouette beautifully when the length is right.

If you are curvier, the style can be very comfortable because it gives room through the body. Look for fabric that falls away rather than clings. Avoid very thin materials if they catch around the bust or hips. If the abaya is open, choose an inner layer that gives full modest confidence before the outer layer moves.

If you have broader shoulders, a soft dropped shoulder or flowing sleeve may feel more comfortable than a sharp seam. If you have narrow shoulders, make sure the garment does not slide or feel unstable. A good neckline, inner tie or balanced upper cut can make a difference.

If your body changes often due to pregnancy, postpartum, weight changes or health, this style can feel merciful. It does not demand the same exact shape from you every day. It gives room. That room can feel emotionally healing for sisters who are tired of clothing that punishes the body for changing.

Try not to buy by comparison. A style that looks beautiful on another sister may need different adjustments for you. That is normal. Use inspiration, but choose according to your own height, body, worship needs and routine.

Common mistakes to avoid before buying

The first mistake is buying only because the photo looks beautiful. Product photos are helpful, but they do not tell the whole story. You need to think about fabric, sleeve, length, lining, care and purpose. A flowing abaya in a perfect pose may behave differently when you walk, sit or pray.

The second mistake is ignoring sleeve width. Wide sleeves can be stunning, but they affect daily life. Ask whether you can make wudu easily, eat comfortably, cook, type, carry children or hold bags. If the abaya is for an occasion, wider sleeves may be fine. If it is for regular wear, choose carefully.

The third mistake is forgetting inner layers. Some butterfly and farasha styles are open or made from lighter fabrics. The inner layer must be modest, opaque and comfortable. Do not assume the outer layer solves everything. A strong base makes the whole outfit calmer.

The fourth mistake is choosing a colour that your heart is not ready to wear. A pale lilac or cream abaya may look beautiful online, but if it makes you feel too visible, you may avoid it. A deeper shade may give the same grace with more confidence. Buy for your real courage, not imagined courage.

The fifth mistake is choosing occasion fabric for daily life. Satin, chiffon and delicate finishes can be lovely, but they may need more care. If you need an everyday abaya, look for washability and practicality. If you need a celebration piece, you can allow more delicate beauty.

The sixth mistake is thinking wider always means more modest. Width helps, but modesty also depends on opacity, openings, movement and styling. A wide sheer abaya without a proper inner layer may not give the coverage you need. Always assess the whole outfit.

The seventh mistake is being harsh with yourself if the first style is not perfect. Modest fashion is learned. You discover what fabrics you like, which colours calm you, which lengths suit you and which shapes support your day. Every mistake can become guidance if you learn from it gently.

A gentle checklist before choosing this style

Before you buy, ask where you will wear the abaya. Is it for Eid, work, masjid, family gatherings, daily errands or a special dinner? A butterfly style can work in many settings, but the exact version should match the purpose. Occasion styles can be more flowing and delicate. Daily styles should be calmer and easier to manage.

Ask whether the fabric supports the cut. Does it drape softly? Does it have enough opacity? Is it too stiff? Is it too thin? Does it need lining? The fabric should help the abaya feel graceful, not heavy. If the fabric looks like it will fight the shape, pause.

Ask whether the sleeves suit your life. If you are buying for a wedding, dramatic sleeves may be beautiful. If you are buying for school runs or work, manageable sleeves may be wiser. Your hands are part of your day. Let the abaya respect that.

Ask whether the colour feels wearable. Does it match hijabs you own? Will you wear it outside confidently? Will it still feel useful after the occasion? A shade you repeat is often more valuable than a shade you only admire.

Ask whether you can pray in it. Test movement if you already have it. If you are buying online, think about sleeve openings, inner layers, width and length. Keep a larger hijab or khimar nearby if needed. Prayer comfort is a major part of modest wardrobe wisdom.

What to check	Why it matters	Gentle choice
Purpose	Prevents buying too formal or too casual	Match the abaya to the setting
Fabric	Controls flow, comfort and opacity	Choose soft drape with enough body
Sleeves	Affects wudu, work and daily movement	Pick width you can manage
Colour	Changes confidence and wearability	Choose shades your heart can carry
Prayer	Protects worship comfort	Check coverage in movement

Frequently asked questions

What is a butterfly abaya style?

A butterfly abaya style is a flowing abaya cut with generous width through the body and sleeves. It often creates a wing like silhouette when the arms move. The style is loved because it gives modest coverage, soft movement and a feminine feeling without needing a fitted waist.

Is butterfly abaya style the same as farasha?

The terms are often used in a similar way. Farasha means butterfly in Arabic, and many farasha abayas have the same wide, flowing feeling. Some sellers may use the terms slightly differently, but both usually describe a roomy, graceful silhouette.

Can I wear a butterfly abaya every day?

Yes, if you choose a practical version. Look for manageable sleeves, a comfortable length, easy fabric and a colour you can repeat. Some butterfly abayas are better for Eid or occasions, while simpler matte styles can work well for daily modest wear.

Does this style suit petite sisters?

It can suit petite sisters when the flow is controlled. Softer fabric, practical length and less bulky sleeves usually work better than heavy stiff volume. Tonal styling can also help the outfit feel balanced.

Is butterfly abaya style good for curvy body shapes?

Many curvy sisters find it comfortable because the cut gives room through the body and softens outlines. Choose fabric that falls away rather than clings. If the abaya is open or lightweight, add a modest inner layer.

Can I wear a belt with a butterfly abaya?

You can, but you do not have to. Many sisters prefer the unbelted flow because it feels more modest and relaxed. If a belt is included, it can be tied loosely, tied at the back or saved for occasions.

What hijab should I wear with a butterfly abaya?

A plain tonal hijab is often easiest. Jersey makes the outfit feel more grounded and secure, while chiffon makes it more polished. If the abaya has strong movement or shine, keep the hijab simple.

Is a butterfly abaya suitable for prayer?

It can be suitable for prayer if the fabric is opaque, the inner layer is modest and the sleeves give enough coverage. Test the abaya in rukoo and sujood at home before relying on it outside.

People also ask

What colour butterfly abaya is easiest to wear?

Black, brown, taupe, navy, deep green and mocha are usually easy because they feel grounded and versatile. Soft shades such as lilac, sage and beige can feel tender, but may need more careful styling and care.

How do I make a flowing abaya look less dramatic?

Choose a calm colour, plain hijab, simple shoes and minimal accessories. Tonal styling can make the outfit feel softer. Let the shape be the main detail instead of adding too many statement pieces.

What fabric is best for a farasha abaya?

Satin and chiffon are beautiful for occasions. Neda, crepe and matte blends can feel easier for daily wear. The best fabric has good drape, modest opacity and enough body to hold the flowing shape without feeling heavy.

Can a butterfly abaya be worn to work?

Yes, if the cut is controlled and the sleeves are practical. Choose a matte or lightly textured fabric, a calm colour and simple styling. Very dramatic sleeves or shiny fabrics may feel better for occasions than office wear.

Why do some flowing abayas feel heavy?

They may use thick fabric, too much volume, poor cut or a length that drags. Emotional heaviness can also come from feeling too visible or overdressed. Choose a softer version that matches your routine and confidence.

Is butterfly abaya style modest?

It can be very modest because it gives room and soft coverage. Still, modesty depends on fabric opacity, sleeve openings, length and inner layers. Always judge the full outfit, not only the style name.

About Amani's

Amani's is here for sisters who want modest fashion to feel sincere, beautiful and wearable. We understand that an abaya is not just an outfit. It can be part of worship, confidence, family, identity, a new beginning or a quiet return to the woman you are becoming.

Our collections include abayas, hijabs, jilbabs, khimars and prayer wear chosen with real Muslim women in mind. We think about the sister who needs softness, the revert taking her first steps, the mother dressing for real life, the young woman building confidence and the woman who wants beauty without losing modest intention.

With love and du'a,
Amani's

Sisterhood reflections

A sister may choose a flowing abaya because she wants beauty, but she may keep reaching for it because it gives her room to breathe.

For a revert sister, a soft abaya can feel like a gentle welcome into modest dressing, especially when the fabric feels kind and the colour feels calm.

A busy mother may not call it butterfly style. She may simply know that the abaya lets her move, pray, visit family and still feel dignified.

More than a flowing shape

At Amani's, modest clothing is connected to purpose and care. A flowing abaya can be beautiful, but its deeper value is how it supports a sister in her real life. It can help her feel covered at a gathering, calm in prayer, graceful on Eid and less self conscious in public.

In Ramadan, Amani's donates abayas to reverts as part of our wider intention to support sisters who are beginning or strengthening their modest clothing journey. This reminds us that an abaya can be more than a purchase. For some sisters, it is part of feeling welcomed, seen with kindness and held by the ummah.

May every sister find clothing that helps her walk with softness and strength together.

Explore butterfly and farasha inspired abayas

If butterfly abaya style speaks to your heart, begin with the version that feels peaceful for your life. You can explore abayas, open abayas, closed abayas, abaya sets and satin abayas with a clearer eye when you know what softness, fabric and flow should feel like.

The right butterfly abaya does not make modesty feel heavy. It gives space. It gives movement. It gives a sister a way to feel covered without feeling crushed. Sometimes, that tenderness is exactly what helps her keep going.